Why are some people so mean?
This is a really great question and the perfect place to start. When you’re trying to fix any problem, the first thing you have to do, is identify the issue. We know that more times than not, the bully is the problem.
My brain works a lot differently than most. In order for me to be able to understand and process information, I have to fully understand it. I need know why the problem--which is the bully in this case-is the way that it is to help me understand it, to ultimately solve the problem or come up with a better solution. So merging your question with my thought process, I came up with 20 characteristics of a bully from StopBullying.gov, DitchtheLabel.org and MeganMeierFoundation.org.
Keep in mind, every bully, doesn’t pertain to all of these characteristics, this is just my list of possible traits a bully possesses. So here are 20 reason that make people so mean.
They Come from Dysfunctional Families
Are Control Seekers
Gets Rewarded for Bullying Behavior
Have a lack of empathy and are insensitive
Have the inability to regulate their emotions
They Have been bullied themselves
It’s a learned their behavior
Think it’ll make them more popular
They’re overcompensating for what they lack.
They’re doing poorly academically
They feel pressure to bully
They lack personal and social skills
It makes them happy to see others feeling like they truly feel
They truly think they are better than others.
Its a way of pretending their tough
They don’t like who they are
Its a way of hiding their own fears
They lack attention from friends, parents or teachers.
Now I am an extremely emphatic person. I believe, it’s my biggest gift and greatest downfall. Reading this list out loud, I can feel this persons pain and heartache and vividly put myself in their situation to understand that they’re inflicting all their hurt and anger upon others.
Think about it like a garbage truck… their hurt and pain is the trash. When their truck gets to full, they have no other choice than to dump it. But rather than going to the landmine—where trash is suppose to be dumped, they dump it on the street —or on you.
PLEASE know that this has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the bully. Feeling sorry for the person, major changes the way I react to mean people. I feel incredibly sorry for someone like this and entirely grateful, for the life I’ve been given. If you remember one thing I said, remember that happy and secure people, aren’t mean to others and kindness is contagious and free to pass on! Give it a try! Try to think about it this way for a set period of time, and see if that helps your situation! Worse case, it doesn’t work and you’re right back to where you are now!
On our bullying page, is a form where you can report bullying directly to Leading2Greater, where we’ll hand deliver it directly to your schools principle, if you’d like us to do so. Also on that page, I have the direct links to the Florida statutes along with Columbia County Student Code of Conduct and Bullying and Harassment Policies mentioned above.